That sounds quite dramatic but it is the truth. I originally called the post 'I WANT TO BREAK FREE' but that isn't the reality, although I am the one writing this post, there are two of us that are going to be working on this journey, and one small person who will hopefully benefit from the ride.

The Illusion

I am 32 years old, I got married 11 days ago and it was a fantastic day with 100 of our friends and family, I love my partner to bits and we have an awesome slightly wild 5 year old son together. We have a perfect little family.We both have decent enough jobs earn over £50,000 a year between us , live in a 3 bedroom semi detached house with a double garage , I drive a 59 place nice car, my husband drives a 56 plate. We go home to see family once a month, we balance work, home life, family logistics seamlessly. We both have government jobs which are well respected. Life is peachy!

The Reality

Most of the above is true, this is not a sob story about how crappy my life is. I do really love my husband, we have been together for 10 years I have known him for 21 years and he is an incredible soul, he does an incredibly difficult an dangerous job in which he has witnessed a lot over the years, a few weeks before we got married he got diagnosed with kidney disease (early stages) brought on most probably from too much drinking. The doctor told him he should significantly cut down on alcohol but that he doesn't need to stop. This was 8 weeks ago and despite some good efforts to begin with, progress has stopped and yesterday he had a break down and admitted that he really has a problem, he had drank 7 days in a row at this point and we stayed up until midnight discussing all the things that could causing him to struggle and all the things he could try to help himself. He was really down by the end of the night but I think we made progress. So that explains the first thing we need to break free from ALCOHOL. Our 5 year old slightly wild but absolutely brilliant I wouldn't change him for the world so no changes needed there. However when I was pregnant with him I put on 5 stone, and have never lost it, I was 16 stone when he was born, went down to 13 stone 13 at my lightest post baby weight but on my wedding day I was back up to 15 stone. I drive 2 hours to work each way and pass 16 service stations on the way there and the way back. I stop at the service stations buy food, get back in the car and eat it before I have even processed what is going on, not only am I killing my health but also my bank balance. So the second thing we need to break free of (or at least I do) is MINDLESS EATING.So on to the decent jobs, house and cars. This is all an illusion. My husband has now been off sick for 8 weeks and I think he has P.T.S.D from the job, we are not sure if he is ever going to go back, he will be on half pay in a few months and finding a job to replace his £27,000 a year salary is proving impossible. My job is temporary and although I am also on £27,000 a year right now, that could be gone in 9 months time and I could be back down to £19,000 a year if I don't find somersetting permanent in the mean time. My nice car belongs with my job and they also pay for all my fuel, so that could also be gone in 9 months, my Husbands car is on finance but it is nearly paid off so that's all good. The house is rented and costs us £795 a month but we cannot get a mortgage as we have no deposit and £15,000 of debt. We were is £27,000 a debt 3 years ago and were doing really well at paying it off but despite being on more money that ever our repayments have reduced over the last year and the balance has stopped going down. So the third thing we need to break free from is DEBT. And as for balancing everything seamlessly, everyone knows that has to be fantasy no one really balances everything seamlessly.....Do they?

The Plan

So I know what I need to do, I know what my goals are no I need to make a plan of how I am going to achieve it. I have some ideas but I need to solidify them. I will be back tomorrow with an update!! x